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The Lord is my strength and my song; He has given me victory. This is my God, and I will praise Him. -Exodus 15:2

For many months, after a tragic life event, I felt as though God was speaking directly to me everyday. The strength and energy I got from knowing the creator of everything cares about me, gave me the power to be unashamedly set apart and full of joy.

Like any journey there are parts of the road not so smooth. If you’ve been a Christian, for any length of time, you know that the pendulum of communication sometimes swings to the way of silence. Feeling like Gods not talking anymore. Feeling human yet again. I’m here to tell you that in my experience, it’s not that God stopped talking, but I’ve stopped listening.

I continue to press in by starting my day praying, reading the word, and journalling for at least an hour everyday. Since I got back from Cali I felt guilt for relapsing on pot. Ever since, my morning routine felt more religious and less like a conversation. This morning I got fed up with my nightly dreams that cause me pain when I wake, for weeks now. I see a face in my dreams everyone tells me I’m no longer allowed to love, even though I still do. Praying for mercy and her salvation is how I start everyday and its become draining over months. Today I decided I’m not going to pay any attention to the clock, I pray on my knees and face, and press in harder/more intentional than the past few weeks. Opening myself to the possibility that God really can help me and talk to me. He provided, leaving me full. Spiritually fed beyond satisfaction.

Starting by praying and journaling for answers and help, He spoke to me through His living breathing word, leaving me at peace.

Starting in Leviticus, I love His commands. Many people do not like this book due to it containing many laws they don’t like, but as I study more I understand that many of these laws are not meant for me. Some are for priest, some for women, some just for Israelites. All of them STILL bring glory to God. I know that obeying the law doesn’t bring salvation, but faith in Jesus alone does. Being reminded of the law everyday makes me more sensitive to Gods will for man. Through education I can properly understand Gods heart and know what to repent for. In chapter 20 the law states many sexually sins, all are obvious, but the reminder today is asking myself “is it loving commitment?” 20:17. When faced with an uncertain opportunity. The enemy will use excuses and confusion against thee so I must stay well read and understand what I read.

Psalms 119 quickly became a direct line to God.

“I delight myself in Your commands, which I have loved; for Your word gives me life. The proud have utterly scorned me, I did not turn aside from your Torah” 47-51

Amen! This is my mantra!

“The proud have forged a lie against me. Their heart has become like fat, without feeling; I have delighted in Your Torah. It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your laws” 69-71

This reminder pulled me out of the shallow pit. Wide eyed, I remembered the truth of the Lord. Those whose actions I can not understand, it is because of their hardened heart. Like Pharaoh, they do not understand loving commitment. I shall not judge them or hate them for they are afflicted with a spirit of unbelief. My prayers for a softened heart and repentance will continue as I am reminded that this is the condition. The words are not going to waste and I will continue despite the mental anguish it brings me, for I know prayer works and her salvation is worth more than my pain. For pain has only brought me closer to Yahweh. I now don’t just KNOW the law, but I understand at a deep level that the law isn’t just a set of rules to follow if I can. It is how the universe was made. When living in integrity, following the law, connections are deeper. Smells are sweeter and life is made more vibrant.

Law = integrity. Integrity = joy. Joy = freedom. Freedom = happiness.

His perfect word is wisdom. Wisdom and knowledge are not the same. A Bible degree does not mean you understand the law. Experience Gods loving commitment and devoting your life to walk in His will, accepting the Holy Spirit in. This is love. This is life. This is law.

Following the law does NOT make you a good Christian. Following the law is a side effect of the Holy Spirit within. When the Holy Spirit is more important than the spirit of man, obeying the law is the overflow.

Love and fear are the only options. Love is a choice. Which side are you on today? If you find peace in not choosing love, you do not have the Holy Spirit. If you are not at peace when choosing into fear, listen to this tug, turn around, fix it. Choose God.

Israel trip is next week! I don’t even know how following God can get any better than this, yet I know this special land will unlock a deeper love. Excited is an understatement. New revelations are expected everyday. I will write blog posts on my journey. Movie coming later this year. ❤️❤️❤️