Moving on

Shortly after my wife told me she wanted a divorce, I used writing as my method to mourn the loss. It really felt like a death, and one aspect of it that hit me was not just the loss of my love, but the death of all of the dreams we shared. We had a whole life of aspirations that evaporated from the split… or so I thought. I wrote a poem called “dead dreams” that was a list of all the dreams that would never come to fruition.

After revisiting it I decided to rewrite this poem with a different outlook. Just because the person I dreamed these dreams with was no longer around, does not mean these dreams are not my own.

Here’s a love letter to my future bride, I call it “Alive Dreams”:

I love you. The future feels so exciting knowing you’re going to be in it. I don’t know anything about you, but I do know some of the favorite memories we will have. There will be many good times. Starting with our trip to Hawaii, drinking pina colada’s with our feet in the sand. Snorkeling and seeing that one colorful fish we never even knew existed. Hiking that mountain will hurt our feet, but the view is going to be so worth it. We will cruise around the Italian panencia. Seeing ancient sites will excite us both and boating in Venus will make us forget that we aren’t the only people in love in this world. Visiting our friends in all different places and driving fast down winding hills. We will order some of our favorite meals, we’ve ever eaten, in English. We don’t care if we come off as Americans, our friends from that country will clear up any confusion and our hefty tip remind the wait staff why Americans arnt so bad after all. Seeing the pyramids and riding that camel together, between the humps, will be filled with laughter. Not the comfiest seat, but it’ll make for a great shot that will hang in our living room. The children will be the greatest journey of them all. We dream of them almost everyday, we even have their names picked out. The school curriculum will be completed before they even start. Customized for the ultimate learning experience, we will teach them what really matters. They will look up to their parents and their relationship. Modeling what a God honoring marriage looks like, they will trust and love us. They will roller skate outside. Play instruments, eventually starting a family band. Bi-lingual of course. Set apart from this world, living a life worthy of being alive for. The world will be so great, and our family will define it. We are royalty. Princes and princesses of the kingdom. Our kids will believe in themselves so much the world will never look the same with them apart of it. Our blood line will grow to be real kings and queens, changing the world for the better. Creating together, playing on the property. We won’t ever need to leave. Our house with the courtyard in the middle, the in ground trampoline, the pump track, fruit trees and garden. It’ll be our tranquil sanctuary worthy of inviting all our friends and family. Our kids will enjoy their nights reading in our library, using the secret book shelf room as the most creative hide and seek spot. Our family won’t be perfect, but we will get damn near close. Leaving a legacy worthy of honor. Lasting memories worthy of a movie to be passed down generations. The beginning of our marriage doesn’t seem so far away because the dreams are already alive. I look forward to starting our life together and I’ll be patient too, because I don’t even know you yet and I already love you.

Moving on and looking ahead. Falling in love with Christ first, and letting go of the memories of a time long ago. Destruction is the first step rebuilding something stronger.