Delivered

Deliverance. What is it? In our modern world the word delivery may refer to a package being brought to your house. We feel joyous when a package arrives, like it’s a gift, even though most likely we ordered it ourselves. It’s exciting, because it was so easy and convenient! I didn’t have to goto the store and drive it alllll the way back home, it just showed up. Another way I think of delivery is when a baby is born. The mother delivered the baby. A lot more work goes into this delivery, but also much more joy ensues. What a gift and a blessing to bring a life into this world!

Today I want to share my story of deliverance in my life. The delivery this blog post is named after doesn’t have to do with packages or children. I want to talk about the delivery that is described in the book of Daniel, the story of Shadrak, Meyshak and Abed-Nego. Refusing to bow down to the sovereigns gold idol, they are tossed in the flaming furnace that, from the kings rage, was turned up 7X the normal rate. What happens to them? They are joined by God in the fire and do not get burned.

“Our Elah whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning furnace of fire and from your hand, O sovereign - He does DELIVER!” -Daniel 3:17.

NOW THAT’S DELIVERANCE! How do I get in on some of that action? Belief that it is possible, that’s how. Is believing that hard really possible? Believing in God OVER believing in “the science”. Knowing that being thrown into a fire would burn you to a crisp, but KNOWING that my God is stronger and more able than this flame.

You know as I look at this word I don’t like how its spelled. Only because it is my blog post i’m going to change the spelling of this word “believing” to “beliving”. Ah, thats better.

Beliving in God OVER beliving in “the science”. Beliving in Jesus MORE THAN the natural order of this world. We are taught in church that God is powerful. He is capable of anything and everything. He gives us the power to MOVE MOUNTAINS in His mighty name. Jesus calls us to live like Him and gives us to power to do so, yet Christians are still horrifically plagued by sin. Knowing that His way is better than the way of the world, modern day Christians still act like there can and SHOULD be exceptions. Using excuses of addiction, being inclusive and Gods grace to continue sinning over and over again. I know because my whole life, and even earlier this year, I used these excuses.

I was “addicted” to pot and porn. I would use excuses on how God always forgives me, which transformed into “well God wants me to be happy right?”, which transformed into “I’m using these things so I can protect other people. Pot calms me down and gives me peace (false peace), and porn satisfies me sexually (only made it worse) so I don’t have to ‘bother’ my wife with my horniness. She doesn’t want to have sex, so I can should satisfy myself”.

I started smoking weed at 12 and got shown porn when I was around 10. Both things have followed me my whole life and my heart got so hardened over time I didn’t even look at pot as a sin and porn was “not that bad of sin”. I belived in Jesus, but for some reason thought that I was just going to have this sin follow me around for my whole life. WANTING to be better, I couldn’t seem to control these sins on my own. No amount of therapy, or trying to stop myself was working. Little did I realize these things were ruining my life and marriage.

Before I got married I honestly belived I was done with porn. I went a year without it and thought I was delivered. It was more like delievered. I still thought about sex all the time and wanted it so bad, I didn’t realize it was an idol. On my honeymoon with my wife I was so excited to have sex and was in PAIN from “not having that release” all year that I actually ruined the night of our marriage. What should have been a sweet moment, ended in tears from us both. It physically hurt her so we had to stop. I should have been understanding and cuddled her to sleep, but I let my emotions get the best of me. I had hyped this night up in my mind so much and when it didn’t go my way I literally left the room to cry outside. What a precedent I set. This became a common theme through our marriage. Me leaving when my emotions got the best of me. I honestly believed that physically removing myself was better than getting angry or sad or feeling anything. I would leave and go smoke weed to calm my emotions to come back numbed. Happy and fixed, I thought. This was not deliverance that the Bible talks about. This was a delieverance.

Nobody is perfect, but what I can say is now I actually know what it is like to be truly delivered. For the first time in my life I am actually completely sober. Going on 5 months, but honestly i’m not counting because Im not going back. Reading my journal from earlier this year I would write things like “I want to stop smoking pot by the time I get down to Flordia, but i’m scared because I don’t know what I will be like without THC. I don’t know if I can actually do it.” I was right. I cant do it. God can.

As soon as I told God that His will is better than mine. His law is better and mine. The life He has designed for me is BETTER than mine and I am ALL IN, thats when it happened. As soon as I truly believed that He can rid me of these sins, is the moment they were gone. I have been blameless, in His eyes, and the blessings that have come of the obedience is beyond what I could have ever imagined. Pot and porn free. Never going back. Not only pot and porn free, but peace and calm. I have better control over my emotions than when smoking. The idea of going back to pot is like living in the promise land and wishing to go back to being a slave in Egypt. Unlike the Hebrews, I am thankful and not grumbling wishing I could smoke pot again. I don’t want to and DEFINAlTY don’t need to. As far as porn goes, life without it is so much better. I realized I don’t NEED sex. I don’t NEED any “release” to be happy. I haven’t felt the pain of “blue balls” ONCE! I can’t belive how good I feel. It’s like a backpack of bricks was lifted off my shoulders. My focus is on God, my connection with people is deeper and more meaningful, my passions for film making have been revived, life is simply better Gods way.

With this all being said i’m not perfect. I’m not happy all the time. I still find myself in moments of feeling unworthy of love. Being moody with my family and friends. Wondering if life would be easier if I was just in heaven already and this earthy body, thats in pain, could just go away. I’m better than before and a large percentage of the time I feel amazing, but life on earth is not easy. I do not think in Bible yet. I do not, yet, have the mind of Christ. I do belive it is possible though. Perfection through His eternal grace is what gets me up in morning. I have experienced days of perfection, in His law, and it is very fulfilling. This is the new high i’m chasing after. The high of holiness. Lifted up on His shoulders feeling like I can do anything He needs me to do.

I encourage everybody that has read this far… Give up. Stop thinking you can fix yourself! Stop giving yourself more time to live in sin! Don’t lose your wife, money and life before finally being all in to Him. You don’t need to go through a car crash to realize you need to wear a seatbelt. Learn from my scars.

This year, on paper, has been the worst year of my life, but in spirit it has been the greatest year i’ve ever lived. I was brought to my knees and humbled to give my life over to God, not just supplement it with Him. I can joyfully say I am a man of God. I am becoming the man He has designed me to be. The man my future children deserve to be raised by. The man my future wife can trust, love, rely on for protection and leadership. The man who can be a good steward with the millions God will provide for our family. The man that was once lost, but now is found. Found his purpose, meaning, and life through Christ Jesus who strengthens him.

Get up! Despise comfortable! Stop living for yourself and summit to His will and you can become delivered too.